Dominic Cummings

Only the arch Leaver could write this so well. And with such little personal responsibility for this mess.

This is what happens when you “win” something without knowing what you’ve “won”.

Benefit. The project without benefits or outcomes that millions support.

From the FT 27 May 2018

Text for those with paywall problems:
———————
Dominic Cummings, the campaign director and brains behind the Vote Leave team, has penned a howl of anguish to Conservatives about what he now calls “the Brexit shambles”. For those too busy to read the full 2,000-word scream, the Financial Times is proud to offer this paraphrased version:

Dear Tory MPs and donors,

I’ve avoided writing about Brexit since last year but a few of you have been in touch asking “what do you think?” so . . .

What do I think? What do I think? What do you think I think, you dummies? This is a monumental screw-up. I gave you this Brexit. This Brexit was in good shape when I passed it to you. Now look at it. I’d have been better off handing it to the cast of Love Island.

You people are betraying my Brexit. I gave you a pure Brexit, unmarked by problems, unscathed by details, uncontaminated by reality. My Brexit would be delivered carefully, as soon as you had taken the time to work out what my Brexit was. But instead you rushed in with your desire to “fulfil the will of the people” and you are now destroying my Brexit with your witless low intelligence.

And let’s be clear about this. No one’s going to blame me. I’ve got Benedict Cumberbatch playing me in the TV version. That’s right — bloody Sherlock — is playing me. The world recognises my genius. Who do you think is going to be playing all of you? Let’s just say it will be good to see Willy Wonka’s Oompa Loompas again.

I’m not big on self-abnegation (there’s a dictionary in the Commons library, look it up numpties) but I admit I may have made one tiny miscalculation. When I took back control for you, I anticipated handing Brexit strategy to the greatest political minds in the history of Christendom. I foresaw a new political order that would rise to the challenge — a cabinet of the greatest minds: Gladstone, Richelieu, Bismarck, Michael Gove. These were the kind of people who were meant to take back control.

Instead we got May, Hammond, Davis and Robbins. They sound like a bunch of cricketers or an estate agent in the home counties. Perhaps I erred, but how was I to know that the people responsible for Brexit were likely to be the very same politicians I had just spent the previous year rubbishing? They were meant to be liberated by the vote, free to engage in new, brilliant, scientific thinking.

Instead they did everything it was possible to do wrong. They triggered Article 50 too early just because everyone on our side was demanding we did; they had no plans for their new status. We’ve been outwitted by evil civil servants, outplayed by the EU and even outmanoeuvred by the Irish. No one could have foreseen this, well, apart from the Remain campaign, but when they said this would happen it was all just Project Fear.

I warned you that triggering Article 50 before we were ready would be like “putting a gun in your mouth and pulling the trigger’’. With hindsight, perhaps I should have been clearer that this would be a bad thing.

There was a right way to do this. Slowly, deliberately and in a way that was completely alien to the bunch of attention deficit, instant gratification halfwits formerly known as my allies.

Oh, and if you think things are bad now, just you wait till Corbyn’s prime minister. You may think he’s peaked but he is going to tear you apart for your incompetence. If you think all those thick, northern Ukip voters are going to stick with you after Brexit when Corbyn is offering them bung after bung at the next election, you are deluding yourselves. No one will thank you for ruining my Brexit.

The only thing that can be done is to change the political landscape. That’s code, by the way, for dump May and get a decent leader. I know I shouldn’t have to explain this to you but given past experience I worry that when I say “change the political landscape” you might think I mean open a herb garden outside College Green.

As Bismarck liked to say: “Better to be a hammer than an anvil”, or was it better to be a headache than an Advil? Anyway we must be the change, we must fight for the right to party. Tis not too late to seek a newer world, to seek, to strive to find and not to yield. Vote Gove, or maybe Johnson run by Gove. It is time to take back control. Details to follow.

Dom

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